All Things DnD's Story Dungeon

New Yorker Ducks With An Army Of Hats Go FULL CRAZY

May 29, 2020 All Things DnD
All Things DnD's Story Dungeon
New Yorker Ducks With An Army Of Hats Go FULL CRAZY
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All Things DnD's Story Dungeon
New Yorker Ducks With An Army Of Hats Go FULL CRAZY
May 29, 2020
All Things DnD

I want an army of ducks. Especially if one of them has a New York accent! Tell us about some of your crazy home brew magical items!

Show Notes Transcript

I want an army of ducks. Especially if one of them has a New York accent! Tell us about some of your crazy home brew magical items!

How A Duck (With A New York Accent) And An Army Of Hats Get Their Sweet Revenge
 
This is a story about the most chaotic oneshot I've ever run. I invited a group of my friends over to play a oneshot where they would get the opportunity to playtest some homebrew magic items. Sadly only two of them showed up. Once they sat down I handed each of them blank character sheets. Before they got the chance to roll up stats, I started the game's introduction.
"You wake up in a barn. You have no recollection about who you are or why you're here, but you do remember that you need to free the other party members from jail. You have blank character sheets that you'll fill in along the way as you figure out what your stats are. You don't have any equipment but you do have a large sack of gold." I informed them that one of them was a goblin and the other was a kobold. After they exited the barn they found themselves in a small coastal town with a large magic item shop on a hill.
 
"WELCOME TO THE KRAGITHS' TAVERN, INN AND MAGICAL IMPROTIUM TRAVELER. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU?" A family of kobolds yelled at them as they entered. Clearly this was the place where they would be getting the playtest magic items. "THIS IS A CLOAK OF ELVEN-KIND… IT WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN ELF IN IT. SEE?” An elf was slumped over, asleep in the corner of the shop and they were trying to sell his cloak. 
 
"A WAND OF PRODUCE FLAME. BE CAREFUL IT ONLY HAS 1 CHARGE!" It's a match. "THE BOOMERANG OF RETURNING HALF AN HOUR LATE!"
 
"ARROWS OF RETURNING. THEY TRY TO KILL THE SHOOTER!". 
 
Sadly they didn't buy the boomerang of returning half an hour late but they did buy: rope, the hat of breeding -- a hat that would breed with other hats, producing hybrid hat offspring when no one was looking. It was an akubra -- think Crocodile Dundee style hat. 
 
The Tome of The Secret Language of Ducks. 
 
The sword of Simon, a sword that glows in the presence of some guy named Simon and the bagpipes of invisibility that turns you invisible when you play them. The goblin got the hat and sword while the kobold got the bagpipes and the Tome to The Secret Language of Ducks… "I find a duck to talk too."
 
"Excuse me. mister duck."
 
"Hey I'm waddlin' 'ere." This was their first ally in this game: Duncan the duck with a New Yorker accent. Despite having a potty mouth that the locals assumed was innocent quacking, he was more than willing to help the players, and is a genuine kind soul.
 
"Do you know where the jail is?" the kobold asked.
 
"*quack* Listen I don't know where jail is, but I do know there's a *quackin'* map of the town in the library. And there's a master key in the governor's bed chambers." And thus the plan was set. Sneak into the library, steal the map, steal the governor's keys, and break the party out of jail.
 
A stolen trench coat later, and they walked into the library with the goblin on the kobold's shoulders. Duncan waddling behind them shortly after. They sat down in a quiet corner of the library and waited until no one was watching them. Scampering up the high bookshelves, they tried to get a better view of the library's layout.
 
"I leave my hat on the table with the trench coat and an open book, so it looks like someone has gone to the toilet or something," the goblin said.
 
"Are you sure?" I asked.
 
"Yes."
 
"The hat is gone."
 
"Perfect."
 
After walking along the bookshelves they eventually found a diorama of the town and where the jail, governor's house, and docks are.
 
"I'm going to try and cast prestidigitation. Hopefully I'm a wizard or something." the goblin said.
 
"What are you going to conjure?"
 
"A pen and paper. We can steal real paper and a pen later."
 
"You are capable of casting prestidigitation," I said slyly.
 
At this point the kobold tried out some class specific abilities to see what she was. 
 
Barbarian rage? No. 
 
Monk unarmed strikes into the air? No. 
 
Druid wild shape? Yes. Immediately she wildshaped into a duck and waddled towards Duncan and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible.
 
After a few combat encounters with city guards and a man named Simon, who wanted his sword back, the goblin figured out he's an arcane trickster and the kobold was some kind of druid. Now the only challenge left was getting into the prison unnoticed. The kobold waltzed, playing the bagpipes of invisibility… poorly. The guards shouted to each other over the ear splitting “music.” "Where is that terribly loud music coming from?" 
 
The goblin tried to cast any spell he could think of that he might know that could be used in this stealth mission. He cast Rope Trick. For those of you who don't know rope trick works, you make a magic rope rise up into an invisible pocket dimension you can hide in. Now what they did is not correct, but I was unfamiliar with the rope trick spell. And how could you say no to an invisible kobold playing bagpipes, holding onto a floating rope like it's a balloon, that's connected to an invisible pocket dimension that's hiding a goblin rogue while a duck waddles behind them?
 
They found their party's jail cell. In it was an Orc rogue and a Dragonborn Druid. Once the door was opened the Orc and Dragonborn proceeded to beat the crap out of them. Through the fight the Orc and Dragonborn told the party that they were defective simulacra, worthless clones, inferior magical copies of themselves. They were the Orc and Dragonborn's escape plan but had amnesia because they were only born yesterday.
 
"Let's go steal the governor's jewels," the orc growled.
 
"Successfully this time," the dragonborn agreed.
 
At this point my players were out for blood.
 
"Duncan, do you have any cousins or anything? Ones who would be willing to pick a fight?" the kobold asked.
 
"Considering what I just saw. I could rally the flock for you, buddy ol' pal. We can *quack* up those thugs for you." On top of that, the Druid cast Conjure Animals.
 
With a small army of ducks, they marched up to the governor's house ready for retribution. The Orc was in the governor's living room. The first duck flew in from the chimney.
 
"You're a bit lost, aren't you fella?" the orc said.
 
Then another duck came in through the window. Then another; two became four, four became eight. The orc's confusion turned to terror as the goblin kicked down the door as six more ducks flew in behind him. The ducks swiftly charged the orc. Feathers flew everywhere, wings beat loudly, bills pecked aggressively. This gave the goblin advantage on all his attack rolls, triggering Sneak Attack every time. The Kobold druid walked around the house, looking for the dragonborn. There was only one place she hadn't searched yet. She walked down to the basement, and there the governor was hogtied and the dragonborn was holding a small chest under her arms.
 
"Do you need reminding that you're a defective copy of me?" The dragonborn shapeshifted into a brown bear. The kobold, being a lower level character, shape shifted into a black bear. The fight went as expected. When the dragonborn won the fight she climbed up the steps with a victorious smirk.
 
Dragonborn: "I can see a little bit of you in me. I'll let you live in my shadow for now, weakling. Perhaps I can beat you again someday."
 
The dragonborn opened the door out of the basement and an avalanche of akubra hat hybrids engulfed her, sending her tumbling down the stairs. A weird turbin, with an akubra brim along the cloth, unraveled and started to strangle her. An akubra-top-hat jumped onto her arm and pinned it to the floor. An akubra-beret went over her face, blinding her. An akubra-beanie was climbing into her mouth to suffocate her.
Afterwards, both the Orc and Dragonborn were slain. The hats parted ways like Moses and the Red Sea so that the Kobold druid could walk up the stairs. She picked up the small chest. The goblin picked up his hat and put it on his head. And the two adventurers and their army of ducks and hats waddled off into the sunset.

I want an army of ducks. Especially if one of them has a New York accent! Tell us about some of your crazy home brew magical items! Please let us know what you think and comment below! 

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