All Things DnD's Story Dungeon

D&D Story: How My Ex-Boyfriend Outed Himself As An Abuser Through DnD

January 08, 2021 All Things DnD
All Things DnD's Story Dungeon
D&D Story: How My Ex-Boyfriend Outed Himself As An Abuser Through DnD
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All Things DnD's Story Dungeon
D&D Story: How My Ex-Boyfriend Outed Himself As An Abuser Through DnD
Jan 08, 2021
All Things DnD

People can be terrible. But people can also be great. Always remember that.

Support the show (https://paypal.me/MurtazaBohari)

Show Notes Transcript

People can be terrible. But people can also be great. Always remember that.

Support the show (https://paypal.me/MurtazaBohari)

So, as a quick preface- I was raised by a very strange, crazy lady. I was told fantasy, sci-fi, comic books...basically anything not barbie or EasyBake was not for girls. 
 
That little glimpse into my childhood is just the tip of the crazy iceberg which may have had something to do with why I, an 18 year old, was dating a 26 year old. 
 
So the second she was out of my life I dove headfirst into all of the things that I “wasn’t” supposed to be doing. And maybe got a little...obsessive.
 
At some point my boyfriend at the time told me that a friend of his wanted to DM a short beginner campaign for new players. Obviously I was all in, but had no idea how to proceed.
 
The players were me, my ex-boyfriend, the DM, plus one other player who I do not remember much of, but I do remember he played a homebrew-ish monk.
 
The DM worked very closely with me on my character, an elf cleric of a homebrew religion. Her name was Aasha and she was a very shy, quiet, nun-like character with immense amounts of devotion to her homebrew Goddess. He had helped me make a low-maintenance roleplaying character who also had very strong ties to the lore, the world and the planned plot. It was great for my personality and honestly a very nice way to slowly wade into the waters of DnD, especially the unknown depths of roleplay. The DM also told me in private that I was going to be something of a mcguffin, as Aasha's Goddess would communicate with her through dreams and visions, but I would have the final say on what to share with my party, both in game and out of character.
 
The basic plot was that a sect of Aasha's religion was becoming a cult and warping the religion, so Aasha's Goddess sent her on a mission to squash the heretics. 
 
If there was something that was more than all in...I was that. I couldn’t wait to start playing.  
 
My ex-boyfriend rolled a tiefling warlock, who he named after his own gamertag, let's call it Seven.
 
So Aasha and Monk meetup and discover they have a mutual goal. As it turns out the cult has taken over the Monk’s temple and killed his best friend, Aasha doesn't trust strangers who are not of her religion, buuut her goddess tells her to work with the monk. Okay cool.
 
Then we meet Seven. Aasha instantly hates him. 
 
He's a warlock and she's a religious fanatic. Monk convinces Aasha to let the warlock join us, as he has some secret mission from his patron that at least somewhat aligns with Asha and Monks. She doesn't like it, but she trusts Monk because her Goddess said she should.
 
Seven instantly starts to hit on Aasha. She rejects him awkwardly both in game and I reject him out of character but it isn’t too bad…yet.
 
It kind of makes sense that an evil warlock would get a kick out of making this goodie two shoes feel uncomfortable.
 
We have a few fun fights, meet a PC who Aasha really likes and gets a great vibe off of, but can't convince to join us because I fail the charisma checks .
 
She's mad shy and timid.
 
As she's expressing this affection to the npc Seven gets mad and tries to steal from him in his own home. Aasha gets mad and calls him out in front of everyone.
 
I never said she was subtle. 
 
Instead of dropping the random thing he stole Seven decides to attack the npc. Real “alpha” energy.
 
The guards get called, and the DM decides to go easy on us. Instead of wiping the party, he has us kicked out of the city.
 
This is when Seven kicks it up. 
 
He begins making much direct, harder, stronger moves on Aasha. I’m beginning to feel really uncomfortable. I'm new to RP and also at the time I was very uncomfortable with public displays of affection, so this was...not great for me.
 
We make camp after a rough goblin encounter and Seven immediately says that he wants to sneak into my tent.
 
The DM pauses and asks why.
 
Ex-boyfriend responds matter-of-factly,  "I'm going to sleep with her." 
 
The DM turned to me, "uhm...Aasha?" 
 
I quietly and uncomfortably respond "Aasha wouldn't do that." 
 
"Thats a no Seven, so Monk-" The DM managed to say before he was interrupted by my ex. 
 
"I sneak in then." 
 
The DM takes a long pause. "To....talk to her?" 
 
"Nope. To sleep with her." 
 
The DM takes a longer pause. "Actually Aasha has taken a vow of celibacy. Sorry, I almost forgot." 
 
This wasn't on my backstory but also wasn't far out of the realm of possibility, I did note on backstory that she was somewhat prudish, so a vow of celibacy doesn't seem much of a stretch. 
 
"So what. My character doesn't care about that." 
 
Stunned, the DM asked, "So...you're going to....force yourself on her?" 
 
"If I have to." He is literally grinning as he says this. 
 
Monk looks disgusted and shocked. The DM just looks confused, like he can’t comprehend the audacity of what just happened.. I'm starting to feel myself shake and go into a panic attack. I can't say anything, I'm just focused on trying to breathe.
 
Finally, the DM said "I'm not allowing that. Seven doesn't do that. Just...no." Then he takes a deep breath, takes off his glasses and rubs his face. Then he sighs and says "You know what guys I've got a headache, let's end this season early."
 
As we pack up, the DM says he has a new dream for Aasha and it's the norm for us to discuss those in private away from Monk and the Ex. 
 
We move to a different room. The DM gives me his wife's cell number and says to please call her if I ever feel unsafe. He tells me I have lots of friends who care about me and that I don't have to put up with anyone mistreating me.
 
When we get in the car the ex starts ranting about Monk, saying that when they were alone Monk had made a comment about how gross he had been. The Ex said his character was just as entitled to Aasha's body as he was to mine.
 
The DM never invited us to another session, though he and his wife did call me a few times after to check on me, something that sent the Ex into fits of rage.
 
Looking back on it I can see that this game was the first time anyone had put to words what was happening in real time to me, and hearing it from an older man the pieces really began to fall into place. I realized how unhealthy that relationship was, and yes the things he tried to do to my character were similar to things he did to me. It took a DnD campaign to make me and his friends realize how nasty he actually was.
 
This was 6 or 7 years ago but I've been thinking about this lately because a friend of mine has encouraged me to try out DnD again, this time with him as DM and a male character inspired by a cross of Dick Grayson and a character from the Feist novels. Hopefully the second time's the charm!